The Village JournalI’m a Mom. But Where the Hell Did I Go?
When motherhood becomes your whole world and you start wondering what happened to the person you were before.
You used to have hobbies. A favorite restaurant. Opinions about things that weren’t sleep schedules or snacks.
Now someone asks what you do for fun, and you need a minute.
Why does motherhood change your sense of self?
Becoming a mother can change your body, relationships, routines, priorities, and identity. There’s a word for this transition: matrescence. It’s a process, not a neat before-and-after.
You can love being a mother and still miss parts of the person you were.
Why does it feel like I’ve disappeared?
Caregiving can take up so much space that friendships, work, interests, and even small choices fall to the bottom of the list. People may start introducing you primarily as someone’s mom. You might wonder when your own name became secondary.
You don’t have to bounce back
There’s pressure to get your body, career, social life, and confidence back as quickly as possible. But you’re not a misplaced version of your old self. You’re changing, and you get to decide which parts of your old life you want to carry forward.
How do you make room for yourself?
Start with one thing that’s yours. A walk without a stroller. A book unrelated to parenting. Time with a friend who asks about you. A class, project, or ridiculous little hobby.
Ask for the time and support to do it. Your identity shouldn’t depend on leftover minutes.
When to seek support
If you feel persistently empty, detached, or hopeless, talk with a healthcare professional. Identity shifts can be hard, but depression and anxiety deserve care.
You’re still in there
Maybe you don’t want to be exactly who you were. Maybe you want to meet the person you’re becoming without losing every part of yourself. That’s allowed. VillageFor’s journaling can be a place to start asking what makes you feel like you.